tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28262903.post115305447715220561..comments2023-11-02T05:10:06.555-07:00Comments on Homebirth Diaries: The Adoption DivideLaborPaynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10294812248596629837noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28262903.post-7793723198739745782007-03-20T11:30:00.000-07:002007-03-20T11:30:00.000-07:00Wow -- I didn't know you were a birthmother too. ...Wow -- I didn't know you were a birthmother too. I'm an adoptee, my husband is a "birth" father. I found my birthmother in 1995 and my husband's daughter found us last November.<BR/><BR/>I wonder what you think of all the Pre-and perinatal psychology folks and what they say with regards to adoption. I shared a room with Suzanne Arms at a convention once and we had some very memorable conversation about that subject.BGKhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08852805739607983977noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28262903.post-1153657433223656562006-07-23T05:23:00.000-07:002006-07-23T05:23:00.000-07:00Dear Lisavc,It is rather shocking to hear of a mar...Dear Lisavc,<BR/>It is rather shocking to hear of a married couple placing, though I know it happens. I even got a sincere offer of adoption with this pregnancy, back at the beginning when I was in shock and depressed about it. After some time to get used to the idea, of course we are delighted to be welcoming a new life into our home. I applaud your courage at 15. I too was 15 with my first child and had to face the scorn and dissaproval of my peers and elders. I'm proud of how you handled yourself. By the way, I enjoy the art on your blog- I've always loved photos and collages.LaborPaynehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10294812248596629837noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28262903.post-1153645544399244112006-07-23T02:05:00.000-07:002006-07-23T02:05:00.000-07:00Hi! me again, lisavc, the australian girl - Regard...Hi! me again, lisavc, the australian girl - Regarding your post 'the adoption divide'. <BR/>I recently was reading a blog by a woman who is married, has 1 12 yr old son, a husband, and who is pregnant with her 3rd child by the husband (the boy is'nt his) and is choosing adoption for this child, as they did for the other 2.<BR/>I cannot understand this. They're married. They don't want any more children, Why on earth does'nt he get a vasectomy? why don't they keep one?<BR/>What does it say to their 12 yr old that they keep giving away his siblings?<BR/>They are directly involving the 12 yr old , allowing him to help choose a family for the latest unborn.<BR/>What also appalled me was how awful she was about potential adoptive parents. Going on about how they make themselves out to be all cookies and cream.<BR/>I had my first at 15 yrs old. I was very lucky that I did'nt have to adopt him out. My mother would've preferred it but my father would'nt hear of it.I was single and in the small town I lived in it was unheard of for an unmarried girl to keep her baby.<BR/>I saw the heartache of a friend who's parents insisted on adopting her daughter.<BR/>I saw the ostracisation of other single, pregnant girls.<BR/>I walked down the street and did'nt even try and look ashamed, as they expected me too. I was'nt a bad girl. Just a misguided one.<BR/>So there are 2 sides to every coin I suppose. the birthmother on that blog is not, in my opinion a decent person. But I know I was, and I could have easily been in the position of having to adopt out my son.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28262903.post-1153175631568469852006-07-17T15:33:00.000-07:002006-07-17T15:33:00.000-07:00Thank you Arielle,for your comments. Upon reflect...Thank you Arielle,for your comments. Upon reflection perhaps I'm being to hard on adoptive mothers. I don't know anything about the struggles of infertility or the horrors of the adoption process. I got this email from a friend who was also at the pool party. Mary is a wonderful woman and she and her husband have 3 birth children and 4 adopted children. I don't want to err on the side of being overly sensitive and undervalue the amazing contribution of women like Mary who open their hearts and their homes to children who desperately need one.<BR/>"Thanks for your words about adoption. If the couple you spoke of were foster parents I can understand a little of their bias's about birth mothers but only if they have taken in a lot of kids. I do have to be reminded of the birth mom's lives and wishes. I put it subconsciously under so I don't have to tell my children everyday or warn them that they may have the same tendencies. How crazy is that? For my part I am on a crusade to change the view of adoption and birth mothers. Whenever anyone says a child was put up for adoption I correct them and say they were chosen for adoption or their birth mom chose to give their child a life better than one she could provide. Choice! In our case 4 of ours had their parental rights revoked but their actions made the choice. Yes, birth moms need to be blessed and you are wise to say so. Thank you. I know nothing about blogs but I like reading yours and the ceremony sounds fabulous. Love, Mary" <BR/>When I gave my baby up, I knew I was doing the best and the rightest thing- never a doubt in my mind. But it is still the hardest thing I've ever done. I think of it like donating organs. I expect the recipient to be profoundly glad but tempered by the knowing that their gain came at some else's greatest loss.LaborPaynehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10294812248596629837noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28262903.post-1153168259514271932006-07-17T13:30:00.000-07:002006-07-17T13:30:00.000-07:00I love your blog - I'm excited to follow this jour...I love your blog - I'm excited to follow this journey of yours!<BR/><BR/>This post was especially interesting. I don't know the answer to this divide you speak of (and have seen myself) but I wonder if adoptive parents subconsciously "demonize" birth mothers to make themselves feel better about the process. I believe adoption is a wonderful thing, but I think it might be healthier for the adoption society, both birth mothers and adopted parents, to realize that their is a sense of sadness, of loss, as well as happiness. Someone's new child is another mother's loss. And maybe adoptive parents (again, subconsciously) need to make the birth mother an unfit parent in their own minds in order to feel better about that fact, that another mother is experiencing loss. <BR/><BR/>Just a thought, from someone who is neither a birth mother or adoptive mother. I don't think it's *good* in any way to demonize or be ungrateful, but I can see how it could be a coping mechanism. I certainly hope that, if I become an adoptive mother someday, I will be profoundly grateful for a fellow mother's selflessness.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com