Warrior Storyteller

I gave my speech about my grandmother yesterday. It was well received and I move on to the next round. She passed away quietly later that afternoon. She was 90 years old. I am so glad I will be able to honor her memory with this speech, and hopefully later with more writings as well. I made all my writing deadlines finishing my articles. I still have one article left to write this week on the loss of the birth center. I've had a terrible time tracking down the administrator to interview her for the article. I may have to write it without her input. I love the daily discipline of writing (there's my journal, my blog, my blank book I keep in my purse for jotting down thoughts and ideas, there's my poetry, my books, articles, essays and speeches written for the enjoyment or illiteration of others). I find it quite refreshing. Today I give thanks to the written word, and my grandmother who taught me the fine art of telling a story.

The Inheritance

I've decided to write the speech about my grandmother. She is 90 years old and since she won't be around much longer, I've been reflecting on her life and legacy. My inheritance won't be anything temporal or as temporary or as tacky as money. My inheritance is the ability to tell a story. My grandmother is a storyteller, and a midwife, and a homebirther. I follow in her footsteps. There was so much yet I wanted to learn from her, herbal remedies, how to "put up" jellies, how to pick greens- but I'm afraid I've lost my chance. I have a hunger for her stories. I want to gobble them down whole. I collected them one at a time, like plucking daisies from the ground. I wanted to discover her through her stories. I intended to write them down. I still want to tell her stories. I'll start with this speech.

I had lunch with Valtra yesterday (the African-American lactation consultant). She asked me to collaborate with her on a book about lactation in the African-American community. I'm thrilled and honored. I haven't done a collaborative project in years. I think we'll make a fabulous book together and the title is fabulous. (Unfortunately, I can't tell yet). She's working on the outline and I'm fishing for a publisher. Yet another adventure begins. We're hoping to get it written in about six months.

Amazingly I've been meeting my writing deadlines this week, even though I've been teaching CPR classes out the wazzou (I've always wondered how to spell that). I've turned in one article on workplace safety and completed two more proposals. I have now have two birth articles left to write by Saturday. This week has been a killer- up at the crack of dawn to teach 8 hour classes, then up till midnight every night writing. So this is my life, my legacy, and my inheritance.

Writing Frenzy

This week marks several deadlines for articles and proposals. On top of those, I'm competing in a Toastmaster speech competition and need a really great idea for a speech. I compete to keep my speaking skills sharp and I learn so much from the other contestants. It is an international speech contest that starts at the club level, moves up to area, then division, then region, then national, then international. I've made it as far as division, which is also my goal this year. It is a 5-7 minute speech on any topic. My goal is to make my audience laugh, and cry in that 5 -7 minutes. It really takes two weeks of practice and the club contest is in a week and I haven't been able to narrow my topic yet. What I need is simply a good story, one that packs a wallop. As soon as I get it written, I need to practice, practice, practice. The speech that got me to division last time was one about my grandfather. It was an unforgettable speech. Here's hoping my muse will show up soon.

Pissed Poet

Okay, now I'm pissed. I've been eagerly awaiting the doula retreat going on this weekend in my city for our local doula group. This group has grown and evolved so much over the years of existance and I'm really proud of all that it has accomplished. However, a few days ago they sent out an emailing stating that only non-mobile babies are welcome. Josiah is definately not non-mobile. So now I have to decide whether or not to attend, because I was really looking forward to going and having him with me. I don't want more time away from my baby. I've tried so hard to be a good role model. When Jo was an infant I took him everywhere- even uptight business ladies meetings- and I bore the all those "I can't believe she brought a baby to this meeting" looks. I bore it because I wanted to live by my conviction that moms and babies should be together (that's what all the birth people keep saying right?) Now we're being ousted by the very people who should understand and welcome moms and babies together. I'm really miffed. I already had to bow out of women's art night because they came up with the same stupid ass rule. No more relaxing evenings with my charcoals in one hand and a yummy hor'dourve in the other. What is with this? Even the birth community thinks babies need to be relegated to the care of 'caregivers' I thought I was the ultimate CAREGIVER for my son. But everywhere we try to go- I'm told he's not welcome. He still spends time in my office with me (when not with his dad) I've even taught classes with him, I've taken him to out of town speaking gigs with me. I'm not going to that fucking retreat without him- I have to stand my ground on this one. It's not that I'm clingy and needy. I spend nearly everyday out of his presence when I'm at work. It just that outside of work time I really want to be with him. So what's wrong with that?

Warrior Poet

A beautiful blanket of snow is slowly covering the city. I have no less than 4 articles and 3 proposals due in the next two weeks. 1) an article on birth choice for KC Wellness magazine 2) an article on workplace safety for KC Small Business 3) an op ed piece for the Kansas City Star on birth options 4) an article for the Maternal Child Health Coalition newsletter on our first African-American lactation consultant (take a bow Ms. Valtra Brown) and 1) a proposal for a Conscious Woman presentation on the relationship between lactation and infant mortality. Check out the conscious woman website. They feature national high quality speakers that you can hear without leaving your home. I'm very excited to be working with them. Meanwhile the local CNM (certified nurse midwife) group denied my proposal on homebirth for their upcoming conference (no shocker there, they prefer to go in the other direction toward medicalized subjects-maybe I just wanted to annoy them) However, they will be showing Ricki Lake's new movie the night before the conference- so I'll attend that, see and be seen, and chew that fat with some of the new midwives graduating from our local CNM program as well as some of the more established midwives who are cordial to me. I also have two other proposals due by March 1st, 2) to the ADA (American Dietetic Association) and 3) to the professional nursing education conference on the topic of blogging as an education tool for student nurses. I must really be turning into a writer/speaker. Elsewhere on my agenda: I'm rejoining a second Toastmaster group, the Earlybird Toastmasters who meet at the crack of dawn on Monday mornings, and I'm joining a nonfiction writer's group who meet on Tuesday mornings. I met with the earlybirds many years ago and got my speaking chops there. I can't wait to join them again as the group has grown and features many professional speakers who I hope to have mentor me. The writer's group is new to me and I'm just hoping to get some encouragement to grow some gonads to get this book published. I'm not sure what will happen once the book is out there, and I just want to keep it close to me still- crazy huh- like being pregnant and now wanting to let go of the prenancy and give birth. I actually get this way with all my pregnancies, I always hope I'll be pregnant just a little longer... Anyway- plenty of writing to keep me busy and off the streets and running around saving birthcenters and such. I got all pumped up watching GI Jane last night and stangely enough, I do feel like a warrior- a warrior poet. Will I draw blood or just rhetoric?

Will Advocate for Food

Happy post V-Day everyone. I've chucked my letter to the editor in favor of an editorial on the loss of birth options instead. I'm pitching an op ed piece on the birth center closing and how that impacts birth choices for local women. I'm also putting together a comprehensive midwife listing to pass out to women as they contact me. My first interview for doula work went well. They were an older, well-read, and enthusiastic couple who will have a great birth no matter who they go with, because they've done their homework and are willing to do what it takes to get the birth they want. Couples like that will do fine no matter who attends them. The wife was Russian born and thought our ideas of birth were wacko (I couldn't agree more). The husband had just read the book "Pushed" (I haven't even read it yet- don't want it to influence my own writing just now) and had the keen insight to asked me why the women's movement hasn't taken this issue on? (I could have kissed him!- he was so insightful). It was a very good visit- but truthfully, couples like this don't really need me. The couples that do, usually can't afford me or think I'm wacko. What's an aspiring birth activist to do?

A Crushing Blow

Sage Femme, the only free standing birth center in my metropolitan area, has closed this week. This is such sad, sad news for me. It was only in October that I discovered this hidden jewel. This is such a disservice to the women of my community. This comes on tails of my recieving about 5 calls so far this year from women looking for midwives (mistakenly thinking that I am one-possibly because of this blog or my website- though I certainly don't claim to be a midwife on either.) Of those five calls, two were women looking for a "woman of color" to attend them in birth. I had the depressing charge of informing them that there are no midwives or doulas of color in our area (to my knowledge- and I do try to keep up with who is doing what where). With the closing of Sage Femme (due to financial concerns) and the calls that seem to continuously come, I had to rethink things. My decision to resume doula work is my pitiful attempt to give women some choice. But what they really need is a birth center. In a city where we already don't have enough midwives, the loss of our lovely little birth center is grave indeed.