Friday, February 22, 2008

Pissed Poet

Okay, now I'm pissed. I've been eagerly awaiting the doula retreat going on this weekend in my city for our local doula group. This group has grown and evolved so much over the years of existance and I'm really proud of all that it has accomplished. However, a few days ago they sent out an emailing stating that only non-mobile babies are welcome. Josiah is definately not non-mobile. So now I have to decide whether or not to attend, because I was really looking forward to going and having him with me. I don't want more time away from my baby. I've tried so hard to be a good role model. When Jo was an infant I took him everywhere- even uptight business ladies meetings- and I bore the all those "I can't believe she brought a baby to this meeting" looks. I bore it because I wanted to live by my conviction that moms and babies should be together (that's what all the birth people keep saying right?) Now we're being ousted by the very people who should understand and welcome moms and babies together. I'm really miffed. I already had to bow out of women's art night because they came up with the same stupid ass rule. No more relaxing evenings with my charcoals in one hand and a yummy hor'dourve in the other. What is with this? Even the birth community thinks babies need to be relegated to the care of 'caregivers' I thought I was the ultimate CAREGIVER for my son. But everywhere we try to go- I'm told he's not welcome. He still spends time in my office with me (when not with his dad) I've even taught classes with him, I've taken him to out of town speaking gigs with me. I'm not going to that fucking retreat without him- I have to stand my ground on this one. It's not that I'm clingy and needy. I spend nearly everyday out of his presence when I'm at work. It just that outside of work time I really want to be with him. So what's wrong with that?

10 comments:

Rixa said...

Yeah, I agree, that really stinks. I hate that artificial separation between "work" and "life" that we're supposed to keep bowing to. I mean, I understand that there are certain situations where children really cannot be...but a doula retreat does not seem like one of them!

Mid-life Midwife said...

Ooo honey, this was always my biggest bitch when my kids were younger. Hanging out with midwives and doulas and still feeling like I couldn't bring my kids to certain functions...grrrr. There's a huge disconnect there that pisses me off to no end. It's better now only because the kids are older and don't want to come with (but are sometimes forced!).
If you don't go to this gig, you should really explain to them why you're not going. They need to hear about it.

Laborpayne said...

Thanks for that validation Midlife,
I will.

Lucy Neiland said...

I think you should go anyway and take him too. They can just deal with it when you get there - both things are too important for you to have to choose.

I've been applying for jobs in London recently - all which state "we support equal opportunities" but yet none of them are say 3 days a week / job share / flexible timing.

I can really understand why you're pissed off.

Laborpayne said...

Lucy,
I'm tempted- I've certainly thought about it. I just don't want to be as disrespectful of them as they have been of me.

Lucy Neiland said...

I see your point, they have further to travel then you

Anonymous said...

I feel most times if my kids aren't welcome, I'm not welcome...

Do what you think is right.

Blessings!
Dawn

Anonymous said...

Homebirth study USA you may know of alteady...

http://www.bmj.com/cgi/content/full/330/7505/1416

Nadah said...

I'm so sorry you are upset with the doulas for the decision regarding little ones at the retreat, Sherry. I, too, was not at the meeting where it was discussed and decided but when I heard about it, as the one who was hosting the retreat in my home, I appreciated it, even though it was for more selfish reasons. The home is not childproofed and because it is not really my house, I was grateful to not have to be worried about accidents both to children and the beautiful things that remain here belonging to the home owners. From what I heard, even the mothers who attended the meeting that have small children were in favor of the idea so they could truly have a bit of time for themselves at the retreat. As a doula and a mom, I do support mothers and babies, and it saddens me to think you are unhappy with me. I was there for Josiah's birth and regret being thought of as one who doesn't support you always. I understand your feelings about not wanting to be separated from your baby and if the retreat had been in a different place it would not have been an issue. As it was, the house was full with people and alot of energy and at my limit of being able to deal with everything. It was never intended to dissappoint or leave anyone out but in this case, the decision was a safety one and seemed most appropriate. Hearing your voice and feeling pain at your anger has made me realize that I need to do more to make my home a welcoming place. I apologize for making you mad, Sherry, and hope it doesn't bring an end to our association as you are one of the women I admire most for your dedication to women, birth, breastfeeding and nuturing families.

Laborpayne said...

Thank you Nadah,
I appreciate your thoughts. My anger was not at you but at the situation.