Friday, February 15, 2008
Will Advocate for Food
Happy post V-Day everyone. I've chucked my letter to the editor in favor of an editorial on the loss of birth options instead. I'm pitching an op ed piece on the birth center closing and how that impacts birth choices for local women. I'm also putting together a comprehensive midwife listing to pass out to women as they contact me. My first interview for doula work went well. They were an older, well-read, and enthusiastic couple who will have a great birth no matter who they go with, because they've done their homework and are willing to do what it takes to get the birth they want. Couples like that will do fine no matter who attends them. The wife was Russian born and thought our ideas of birth were wacko (I couldn't agree more). The husband had just read the book "Pushed" (I haven't even read it yet- don't want it to influence my own writing just now) and had the keen insight to asked me why the women's movement hasn't taken this issue on? (I could have kissed him!- he was so insightful). It was a very good visit- but truthfully, couples like this don't really need me. The couples that do, usually can't afford me or think I'm wacko. What's an aspiring birth activist to do?
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One thing I think about is why I don't want to home birth. I still have a few hang ups. There's the fear, fear of not getting good care for my baby as soon as he/she is born. That levelII NICU right there is a draw, immediate draw. I am not afraid of getting to the hospital in time if I need a c-section because many "emergency" c-sections still involve a wait. Another thing that hangs me up is my messy home. I'm worse when I'm pregnant too, I have the nesting urge but I still think my home is not a place I want people coming into for a birth. They'd be here for hours and I would feel great stress about that. Then there's my children. I love my children, but when I am in labor, I'm always relieved to get in the car with my husband and get away. Sometimes we know we're not quite close to delivery, so we go to some place and walk (grocery stores are great at midnight...there's a bathroom and drinking fountain, and some have places to sit in different areas). My kids get me hyper and I feel angry towards them when I am really in good labor and making progress. That's how I know now the labor is real, my agitation with my kids. Knowing I won't be leaving, that sounds good in some ways, but also confining in others. There's also the non-trust thing again. If something does go wrong in my home I cannot afford to move to get away from it. The hospital is someplace else. If I have a bad birth there, or a traumatic situation, it's there and not here. If something horrible were to happen, my kids wouldn't associate the trauma with our house. Then there's my husband. Not at all interested in home birth. Finances also have a big play. Would insurance we have been paying for through my husband's work pay? Would we be able to save enough for a home birth? I believe a midwife should be paid well, and a doula also. I just cannot afford it.
I haven't even been given the blessing of a new pregnancy, with a 5 month old I am hoping for more time. Maybe some of these issues will work out. I just know if I go to the hospital again, I feel sorry for my nurse.
Blessings!
Dawn
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