Sunday, March 09, 2008

Shut Your Humble Pie Hole II

I have not been pleased by my arrogant tone in my writing of late. I came across this little blurb on a post of navelgazing midwife:
Women just don’t know that they didn’t need that cesarean. It’s my duty to make them feel like crap about their birth experience, not allow them to discover on their own if a cesarean was warranted. It’s important to discount a woman’s birth story even if I wasn’t there, don’t have her records, don’t know HER truth
Of course Navelgazer is being tongue-in-cheek here, but her words give me pause. I respect her wisdom and her truth and I feel myself slipping into kind of an abyss. I am not savior of the world, (not even the birth world), I am NOT a midwife, only a homebirth advocate, and a FORMER L&D nurse (not even a very good one- I was too busy trying to sabotage technology to learn to use it as an effective tool). My religious training tells me that pride precedes a fall, if that's so I should be landing on my ass right about now. My apologies to the doulas, my apologies to the young mom mentioned in the previous entry (and my apologies to the two moms I called dumbasses two years ago in a post for having inductions together so they could be roommates.) My job is not to judge, and I cannot teach from a place of ignorance. Please forgive me Dear Readers. I will try to do better.


Anonymous said...

Sometimes our passion gets the best of us. We want to help. I do it too. I need to temper my activism with compassion and support. It is not easy to do.

from original anon. I guess I should reveal myself, but wanted to stay anon in case anything I said was taken wrong by anyone local. You never know who might read this.

ok, here goes, I can reveal this:

Laborpayne said...

Thanks Original Anon,
Your compassion is certainly appreciated here.

Anonymous said...

It's natural to be compelled to express intense feelings when you are passionate about something. I appreciate so much that you are taking a step back to examine it's effect on others. Of course your intention is good. It will be so much clearer now.
There are too many Anon's to address at this point. (I am the one you addressed in your post)(And I'm aware that it's annoying that I remain as such, but I have good reason). I do however feel that a big reason why women don't come to professionals (ie. CNM's) for information or advice (like was questioned by another Anon)is because they are scared of them. It's like jumping over a deep ravine. You fear you will be attacked, made to feel weak, or scared into birthing at home when you aren't comfortable with the idea. You have the impression that "they" are medical rebels who will make you join their aliance! The truth is that we all know of the divide in OB care and the people that feel safer are the ones not making us feel weak or ignorant. The ones who don't seem angry with us. After all, we're very happy to be pregnant and already have very protective instincts. If information was presented in a non-threatening, and encouraging way, I just know more women would listen. We most often just hear that OB's just want our money, and hospitals are killing people and frankly that doesn't feel like what we are experiencing. If we're wrong, give us facts (gently), give us tools (gently), and give us reasons (gently). The majority of women just think this is a pain arguement. Pain or "no pain", what is your preference? Well, it's obvious that "no pain" wins. Who is telling us that it's more than that? Who is giving us reasons to do it any differently? We are hearing extremes and anger that make us run the other way! It's such a shame. It would be nice to have a change. It would be nice to put the fight aside so EVERY WOMEN feels less intimidated to seek out what options are truly available to them. What they are really capable of. What the point of "doing it naturally" is. On the same token they can still be respected when they decide what they feel most comfortable with. They also understand that no matter what it might not go their way.

***It's a tall order I know. It's very difficult to explain and teach when you yourself have been attacked as a professional. When the very things you are deeply passionate about are dismissed by other professionals, and consumers who don't know any different. You are frustrated, and it's also understandable.***

Laborpayne said...

Very interesting points. I hear echos of what was written in the 'Women Need Education' post. This seems to be a recurring theme, this idea of women feeling judged rather than empowered by birth advocates (midwives and others). I find this quite distressing. When I found the 'birth community' 20 years ago I remember feeling so relieved. I had been searching so long for confirmation that my ideas weren't crazy. Now, women just don't seem to have a need for what we have to offer.

Anonymous said...

I don't think they know about it. And, they are too afraid to ask because of the reasons we've brought up.
That article was very good!