Monday, June 19, 2006
The Courage to Embrace Change
I think I'm ready to tell our families about the pregnancy now. I've been so conflicted about it and so afraid of what our parents will say. (I know I sound like a wuss, we are after all 43 and 47 and married) I know that some of them will still give us a hard time, but I know I can handle that, that together we can handle any negative feedback. I asked my husband what he'll say if his mom says something negative. He said, she'll say what she'll say, it won't change anything. He's right of course. We love one another and we're having a baby. So what. We didn't plan it. So what. We're still having a baby. We'll still love him or her and one another. This baby will be embraced by our whole family- eventually. I know I just need to bear the initial reactions of others. They'll need time to get used it, just like I did. Heck, I needed 3 months to get used to the idea! I need to allow others time to process this as well. I understand that part of other's reactions is concern for our family. We are stressed and overloaded. We did just recently downsize our lifestyle by moving to a smaller home, and will have to do so again to adjust to the loss of my income from my second job. Hey, I don't even know where we'll fit a crib in this new house, we certainly won't have a nursery! But we will have a home with a sane wife and mother and plenty of love to go around. I keep telling myself, this a blessing. As time goes on, it starts to feel more and more like one. I sat in a board meeting today, feeling my belly and smiling to myself. I completely spaced out during the financial reports. I'm beginning to have moments of terror where I think, "what will I do about _____ after the baby comes." Then I think, I'll just adapt how I do this, or I'll take the baby with me, or I'll have to modify my lifestyle, or even, I won't be able to keep doing this. Whatever needs to happen, I'll make it happen. I won't pretend anymore that my life won't change. A baby changes everything. I want to open my arms wide and welcome the change. After all, it's the next phase of my life- and I do fully expect my life to get better and better. I expect me to get better and better. I'm ready to embrace this phase of my journey.