Thursday, September 28, 2006

Much Ado About Everything

I had a few Braxton-Hicks last night. Just a gentle reminder that time is short and this pregnancy will not last forever. I feel rather like a time-bomb waiting to explode. Will I get everything I need to do done in time? Now that I am 37 weeks (and often deliver at 38 weeks), I need to really focus on getting things ready for the birth. Today I move back home to office- a move facilitated by the fact that yesterday, I tripped over my laptop cord and sent it sailing to the floor where the screen cracked into a million slivers. It's en route back to the factory for repairs (thank God I purchased that warrenty!) To top yesterday off, my husband's car won't start so we may be down just to one vehicle again (damit, I was hoping that car would get us through the winter). When I got home from the office, my husband was grilling our dinner. I told him about my bounced check and broken computer. He told me about his car and the missed vet appointment (that damn cat disappears every time he has an appointment- its like he knows). We just sighed and held each other. This too shall pass, I suppose. We had a very nice dinner that my husband had prepared, took the girls out for ice cream and watched our favorite family shows; America's Next Top Model, and Lost. (Don't ask me how ANTM become a family favorite but we all watch it and root for our favorite girl.) Later I watched the interview with Steve Irwin's widow on 20/20. Of course I cried. Again, it made me remember how much I have to be grateful for. I can't imagine, the long stretch of years ahead, without my best friend and confidant. I also thought my life would be very well lived, if I left this earth having had at much influence in my chosen sphere as Steve Irwin had in his. What a legacy he has left. I want that for my own life as well- what will I leave behind when I go? One of the highlights of a mostly bleak day, was my appointment with my counselor. We continued to talk of my struggles with my feelings about my parents but I can feel things resolving- finally after weeks of agonizing. I told her how I wanted to write a letter to them, and she encourage me to go ahead and write it, but that I might find that I won't necessarily feel the need to actually send it. Fair enough. Of course, their letter will have to stand in line behind all the thank you notes I need to get out. I have to order my birth kit- like today! I'm still cleaning and organizing the house for the birth. My midwife will do a home visit next week so thats my deadline. We still have to go buy the crib and dresser, because until those are assembled and in place I can't unpack the huge pile of baby stuff still in boxes sitting in a corner of our bedroom waiting to be put away. So much to do, and if the Braxton-Hicks are any indication, so little time.


amelia said...

Before I got married many of my "father issues" came out of hiding. I had a great Biblical counselor to help me work through those wounds. Over the years (only 6 small ones :)) I have realized that those dad issues resurface every once in a while when God wants to bring some deeper healing. I started referring to those moments as Healing: Part XI or Part XX. I never know when they are going to come around to visit and they are never any fun to deal with but after I am through Healing: Part X I am thankful for that deeper healing that has taken place.

Regarding Steve Irwin--I was so saddened by his death and had a similar response to take time and appreciate what I have now. It is so hard to take what I have with my husband and boys for granted. My prayers have been for Terri and her babes since that road is so long and hard. I cried for her loss and said a prayer of thanks for the wonderful man I've got.

I love reading your blog! I like your honesty and authenticity. Thanks!

Laborpayne said...

Thank you Amelia, that is quite is compliment. I too have a wonderful Christian counselor who has been invaluable.