My midwife and her apprentice did a home visit yesterday. Plans are moving along nicely. I need to order my birth kit, but otherwise have what I need. We talked about the possibility of a postpartum hemmorhage and her management protocols. She uses pit, rectal cytotec, and methergine (no hemabate). Sounds okay, I never saw cytotec used for anything but inductions in the hospitals around here. Its nice to know for precaution. We talked about emergencies. My back up hospital is 7 minutes away (if its not rush hour) and there should be no impediment for ambulances should one need to be called. I've decided to deliver downstairs in the family room rather than our bedroom, since its so cramped. There is a bathroom down there, the laundry room, and two bedrooms (belonging to the teenagers). The downstairs is much cooler (temperature-wise) and a lot more spacious. The space needs to accomodate myself, husband, midwife, apprentice, doula, and the Brits for filming. The whole thing is beginning to feel like an orchestration- one I'm starting to get a handle on.
Finally found the baby bed I wanted, after 3 stores. Hubby can put it together today so I can organize baby's things.
Two of my girlfriends who missed my shower took me to lunch at one of my favorite haunts and gave me the stroller that was on my registry list. How sweet! I felt so loved and pampered. I shamelessly ordered whatever I wanted off the menu. They took me to Webster House, a turn of the century converted school, that now holds a fancy imported antique shop downstairs and an equally fancy restaurant upstairs. I love going there, my favorite former boss is manager there so I get to visit her whenever I stop by for lunch. The restaurant is first rate. I ordered tenderloin blue cheese soup to start, Croque Monsiour for main course (fancy french grilled ham sandwich), my favorite peach ginger tea to drink, and black and white bread pudding for dessert. I tasted my friend's parsnip and lobster bisque, but like my soup better. I think I smiled all the way home. I just felt so full- not just of good food, but of good love and acceptance. My visit with Sarah and Kathleen was such a lift to my spirits. They are long time friends. We knew each other when we were all struggling, single moms. We talked about how our children have grown into adulthood, and second generation motherhood (we all have a new younger set of children), our husbands (some marraiges turned out better than others) how life changes and becomes more wonderous as one ages, and lifestyle. They quizzed me about our move to the suburbs last year, they both live next door to one another in the city in a neighborhood I can only fantasize about, full of the most fabulous turn of the century mansions. I had to confess, after a lifetime of city living, the move to the burbs was not traumatic. I have wonderful neighbors, and my kids go to good public schools (though I miss the historic old houses and ancient tree lined streets of the city). This conversation gave me such perspective on how much we've all grown as women. Its such a sweet thrill for me to see my friends children grow into adulthood and watch as they bloom- Sarah's daughter persuing an acting career in California, and Kathleen's son entering law school - the same with my girlfriends how we grow and change and absorb the lessons of life and become who we were truly meant to be. Of course we talked about the baby as well. I still have no idea how this baby will fit in my life- but I'm gaining a stronger sense that he or she should be, even must be in my life. Kathleen asked a marvelous question. She asked why I think this pregnancy came into my life and what the lesson was? I confess I probably won't begin to know the answer except in retrospect, but I like the idea of pondering it. A sense of peace came over me as I thought about her question- driven by the notion that the pregnancy was no accident after all, but very intentional (if not on our parts- surely by greater divine design) that all of this was meant to be. I've fought this idea for many months now, choosing instead to cast myself as a victim, but now I let it wash over me. What if my life is not ruined or even inconvenienced, what if I was meant to have this child at this time of my life? The reasons have yet to be revealed but the master plan was set in place long ago. I feel a shift in my perception, a desire to embrace was has come upon me and a sadness at its lateness in coming.