Sunday, October 01, 2006

One Mean Mama

Boy am I getting cranky. I yelled at the kids all night last night. I stayed away from them because I didn't think I had enough impulse control not to take a swing at one of them. I'm incredibly discontent with my husband and saying the meanest things to him. I'm a straight shooter, but not ususally this bad. Why am I being so mean? I hope I'm not like this for the birth, being bossy and pushing people around. Part of me thinks its hormonal, part of me thinks that no excuse for bad behavior.
I have a new doula. My initial doula was overcommitted with school, and such, so I let her off the hook and asked someone else. The new doula, was the same one with my son and his wife, and with the Brits. She's one of the best in town, and a massage therapist to boot. Nothing will be ready when the midwife makes her home visit- oh well, I still have a couple more weeks to prepare. The main thing I want to talk about is the birth itself and her treatment protocols for postpartum hemmorhage- the one complication I think I'm at risk for and only because its baby number nine. I've been drinking my uterine stregnthening teas and have never had a problem before- just covering my bases. I'm feeling stronger and stronger about a hands off birth. I don't know why I feel so strongly about not being talked to or touched, but I do. Is this an outpouring of my newfound crankiness or am I just feeling the need to truly birth independently?

4 comments:

Louisa said...

I'm wondering if you hired Bridget C? If so she's fab, she was my doula's backup. I can't believe how fast your preg seems to have sped by. I'm so looking forward to reading your birth story, you have much wisdom to share mama. As for being cranky with the kids and DH, That made me smile just a bit. I too tend toward developing a hair trigger in the last weeks, days. and I only have 2 kidlets. With 8 I think I'd probably get an award for Most Grouchy. Kick back mama, relax, you're almost there :) Oh, and KC in fall is pretty...

Laborpayne said...

Thanks for the words of encouragement, I certainly feel more like runner up for Screaming Bitch of the Year than anything else. I'm trying to go easy on myself about it AND bite my tongue with everyone as well. My DH really has been sweet to me anyway. I hired Nadah but I think Bridget is wonderful too. This pregnancy has sped by for me too, since I spent the first 3 months being depressed and in denial! We are having Indian Summer here in the midwest right now, and I think I can attribute some of my crankiness to the 90 degree heat.

Louisa said...

Oh, you have FAB taste in doulas. Nadah is one cool lady... I liked her a whole lot.
90 degrees!? Bleugh. Bring on the frozen (virgin?) margaritas... Are the pools still open???

Laborpayne said...

Are you kidding? They close up the pools at the end of August around here. No relief except to turn the AC back on. A couple of girlfriends are taking me to lunch today- I'll have to ty a frozen (non-alcholic) drink, thanks for the suggestion. You are correct about Nadah however, she's one of the best.