Birth Musings

I spoke to Lucy (the videographer) a couple of days after the birth. I found out later after the birth that the filmmakers actually missed the birth. I was in transition and not terribly aware of my surroundings. I had long ago drowned out everyone around me and retreated into my labor. Just prior to my pushing the midwife had sent everyone upstairs for breakfast. Apparently my husband was making pancakes (I didn't even know he was gone!) I didn't know that only the doula and midwife remained as I entered into that very last contraction. I just assumed that as Iwent into that one and only push that someone was standing behind me to catch! My doula was there, but she was the only person I actually saw. Fortunately the midwife was there to catch, but unfortunately it was her apprentices turn to catch. (Sorry!) When Kirsten caught and passed the baby between my legs, I saw the nuchal cord and passed the baby back (between my legs) to Kirsten again. (I couldn't lift the baby up to me because of the wrapped cord.) Kirsten unlooped the cord (that explains the decels) and passed him back to me. He was squalling his head off and was so slippery I almost dropped him, but just then my husband was by my side helping me grab him. I lifted him up and saw that little penis. Oh, a boy, I just knew he was a boy. My little boy, Josiah. I realized in that moment that I was meant to have him. We had selected his name years ago. I wanted to name him after my father-in-law who died a few years ago, and whom I miss dearly. I knew I would have a little boy named Josiah when I was in my 20s. I had predicted as a child that I would have 9 children (one of my cousins reminded me). Once I held his warm, wet, squiggly body next to me, I just knew it was meant to be. Josiah, Josiah what blessed luxury to hold you in my arms and inhale your sweet baby smells. I spend hours just looking at him, I can't get enough of seeing him, holding him, smelling him. I love the look of bliss on his face as I nurse him. His little fists balled in utter concentration as he imbibes the milk I make for him. He has captured me. I absolutely and resolutely adore him. He's simply fabulous- I love this baby.