Wednesday, July 12, 2006

The Road Less Traveled

I only recently realized that I began this blog at the present. I'd like to give a little background information about myself. This is my tenth pregnancy, but ninth birth. My eight children range in age from 8-28. I have a 24 year old that I placed for adoption at birth. My goal is to reunite with him at some point. I did some preliminary adoption registry when he turned 21 but have not started an active search. I don't know when I will, but something will tell me when the time is right (or else he'll find me first.) I had my first three births in the hospital, and the last five at home. This upcoming birth will be my sixth at home. I have a bachelors in nursing and am working on my masters in nursing (executive practice). I did hospital labor and delivery for seven years and now own my own business teaching CPR. My husband and I have been together for 19 years now. He is the love of my life and I eagerly look forward to the next 19 years. Since my first homebirth, now 18 years ago, I have been actively involved in the homebirth/midwifery movement. It is safe to say that having my first homebirth, radicalized me. I have never looked back. Once I had that first homebirth, I knew I would never have another one of my babies in a hospital setting. The seven years I spent doing hospital work made me feel like an alien in a strange land. Doing what I'm doing now, finally feels like home. I'm afraid I'm a natural born outsider and loner. I filled those 18 years joining the organizations, becoming an active member, studying the research, reading the journals, visiting and writing legislators, attending conferences, and on and on and on. I'm so glad I put in the time. I now feel ready to do what it is I'm doing. I'm ready to move into a more direct advocacy role. However I'm no longer an advocate for midwives, or doulas, or homebirth. I'm an advocate for women. This distinction is quite important to me.
I meet this afternoon with the documentary videographers. I'm trying to establish my vision for this project. I want my work to be meaningful and productive. I'd like to travel to the "Holy Land" for a blessing and ritual cleansing for my work. (No, not that Holy Land) The Holy Land I speak of is a hermitage in central Missouri run by a hermitess nun/former midwife. I need clarity and cleansing for the work I am about to undertake in writing this book and making this documentary. It is a breathtaking place nestle in the hills of the Ozarks. I went last year with my three little girls for a weekend. It was a magical time we will never forget. It truly is a holy place. While there we followed the rules of consuming no meat and respecting all life. (I can handle a veggie burger, but do you know how hard it is NOT to swat a mosquito?) My girls played for hours in the surrounding woods, a courageous band of she-warriors fighting the perils of ticks and overgrown trails, while I wrote and wrote and wrote and spent much of my days in silence and meditation. Yes, I need that again. I look ahead and see Frost's less-traveled road and know it will be the road of my journey.

2 comments:

Mimi said...

Wow! It is so great to get to know you better.

Laborpayne said...

Thanks,
I'm hoping it helps to understand where I'm coming from better.